The Importance of Nothing
Story Number 22: Woes and Gifts, Number 8
(Written 4/9 to 4/12/23)
Neither here nor there
Neither awake nor asleep
Conscious and unconscious
Present and not present
Everything is important, nothing is important
Waves of color and textures behind closed eyes
Floating lights in three dimensions when I look about at the vastness of the small room
But I live in a three-dimensional world, I think, so why does this feel more three-dimensional?
Am I in the more real world, multi-dimensional, parallel universes fading through?
Listening to familiar songs, but the words are different
Hearing, feeling each note in a piece of music individually and seeing in between the layers
I am not learning anything new: I already know I am One with The Universe, part of the web of life, but beyond intellectually knowing this, I am now fused with The Universe, Its tapestry woven into my soul
I know all the lessons from what my life path has taught me, but now I really know them as they are not floating around me, as intellectual thoughts, but they are ingrained; I know them in a different, whole way
At One with The Universe
Melting into the furniture, riding the waves of space and time
Time slows and 5 minutes is 10 hours and 24 hours is 1 second
At the same time immense, and small
Paradise Camp Fire plume
Mushroom-like
Coming out of the sea
As I am sliding back to earth
the Purge begins
It doesn’t matter
It was and is not is
Purge
Waves of grief
Oh what horribleness befell me
Purge
From the depths of my soul
Release
Purge
Releasing and bit by bit, the horribleness of my loss in the fire and the loss of myself, floating into the atmosphere
Pieces of grief, returning to where they belong
to The Universe
Who gratefully takes them back
Saying, You have had enough of these lessons
And, my beloved, you have learned them well
We bid you graciousness as you integrate these lessons
Like a beautiful, colorful, soft mosaic
No longer an armor to wear
No longer an anchor to drag
No longer an iron maiden in which to live
Just magnificent, breath-taking, fascinating, stunning pieces
Resting in your soul; all the knowing
Like smooth river rocks, seen through a gentle stream
As the clear water runs calmly over them
And the sun sparkles on the water, like a million stars in the galaxies
Free and loved, no longer troubled
You have done well, my beloved child
The next day, my always on-survival-mode intellectual self and emotional self, separate entities for as long as I can remember, are fused and at One.
What really matters? Nothing matters. Life moves on and on and I am along for the ride, sitting comfortably, facing forward, in the most comfortable, cushiony chair or molecule or cloud, whatever this vessel is. Observing the ride with pleasantness on my mind and in my soul, no longer a tiny cork on the vast, turbulent, raging ocean, clinging on for dear life, always feeling like I was near drowning, gasping for breath, out of control and Life just having Its way with me, tossing me about, spinning me around.
Like a cork in a stormy ocean; life having its way with me.
Me saying, “Okay, I guess this is what I am doing now.”
I am on top of the gentle waves and no longer trying to catch breaths between the troughs of the massive swells as my head was just barely above the water.
I’ve got this. I am in control.
Bunny, content in The Universe.
It is no longer suffocation, it is no longer in my face, it is no longer beating me over the head, it is no longer eating my brain, but integration. Take the Lessons and the Gifts, for they are beautiful, and leave the misery, the horror, the grief.
Loving arms around me*, he says, “I am here for you,” grounding me to my new reality as The Universe takes the poison out of soul and it floats out of my body and back into the stars.
I am above the troubles, content in The Universe.
*Thanks Steve.